Our Youth...

Youth is something that comes along for only a short period in your whole lifetime. Don't take it for granted. It might be gone tomorrow when you wake up... If you wake up.



Live in today.
Fuck yesterday. Fuck tomorrow.

My bones apparently won't break...

Yeah. I've never broken any bones. Never. Have you? I've heard it's not exactly the most tolerable pain in the world. However, before you say "Oh! You're so lucky you've never broken your [insert name of bone here]!"... I really just want to come clean and go ahead and say that I have a little more of an advantage compared to people who have broken a bone, or broken multiple bones. "What's this advantage?" you ask? Well, you see, thanks to my excessive noting and studying of the book aptly-named "Actions & Objects that will Probably Break My Bones", I really don't have to worry about breaking any bones. Because, seriously, I know just about anyway or anything that could probably break one, or more, of my bones.... so, I simply avoid those actions, and those things... "that will probably break my bones." Yeah! You see how it works? Read it again if you must.


I honestly don't get it. People! It not an impossible task to NOT break your bones. It's simple, really... I promise. You just don't do shit that will hurt your bones! Bones are an important part of your bodily-infrastructure. You need those. I need those. Everyone needs bones. And when bones break, shits goes all over the place! You don't want that. Have you ever seen a dude without a skull? That's a crucial part of human-anatomy. It's weird shit, I'm telling you; a dude without a skull. Nope... not a pretty site, mister. And don't even make me explain what a person looks like without a spine.


Just a thought.


.... These are the kind of thoughts that keep from making any real progress in life.




Goodnight fuckers,
Mike

A Letter to Tom Anderson

Okay. I'm sure most of you are familiar with Tom Anderson (see photo.) If not, he's the MySpace dude.... yeah. The MySpace dude. TOM! You know him. Everyone knows him through myspacezorz. He's like uber-famous on the interwebz.


Anywho, the reason I am writing this letter PERSONALLY to Tom Anderson, is because I am (for some odd reason) really angry at the view and behavior I get from "Home" page of MySpace. It's a fucking big, gigantic shaving cream advertisement. No, wait, correction; there are TWO (2) fucking big, gigantic shaving cream advertisements that seem to enjoy expanding to nearly 80% of my screen size and playing some obnoxious "rock music", when the page finishes loading. Okay, I know that advertisements are probably about 98% of Myspace's revenue every year. So, one could expect ads all over... right? This, folks, I am completely okay and content with. This is the internet. There are advertisements. Plain and simple. Also, these ads keep MySpace free.. and I'll be damned if I ever pay for MySpace. However, I do not expect the ads to literally take over my view of my "home" page. BITCH! Don't you know I got messages to read and comments to reply to? I don't want some "big fucking, gigantic" advertisement keeping me from doing this. Ever.

So, yes. I'm kind-of upset about this. And given my current mood... this mood being "a little bitchy." I felt I should write a little inspirational-letter to Tom, his retarded crew of so called "web-developers" and the company that placed the ads; whose name has been omitted for certain lawsuit-avoiding purposes. The last thing I need tomorrow is some blue-collar, jackass on my doorstep issuing me a subpoena to court. Also! I felt the need to go ahead and take it upon myself to make some "comics" using a couple screenshots of the ever-so-annoying ads on my "home" page on Myspace. So, read on my friend.


and..... LULZ shall begin.

Dear Tom,

These new shaving-cream ads on my "home" page aren't annoying or anything. They're REALLY coooooool! What, with the popping-out to nearly 80% my screen size, doing all kinds neat "flashy" stuff. Oh and let's not forget this thumpin', rockin' music that insists on playing every time i click "home."

So, I just figured I would take the time to tell you how much I enjoyed my MySpace experience today.

Thanks, Tom! Thanks, company-name-omitted! For such a wonderful MySpace end-user experience.


Always and forever yours,
Mike Slone
user-id #97840515

and..... LULZ shall end.

Okay! Okay! Maybe not as funny as you expected. But, I gave it my best shot... I think it's pretty hilarious. Feel free to suggest corrections or even add your own piece of literary-criticsm; as I have not sent this to HIM yet... and yes. I'm sending it to him. It'd probably be pretty cool if we all collaborated to send him one fucking huge "letter-of-lulz and criticism." Yeah! That's what we'll call it. The Letter-of-Lulz and Criticism. Fantastic! It even sounds really important. My bet is, he would read it... and maybe even reply?


Please add your own piece of creative-geniusness & lulz to "The LOLAC" (yeah, it even has it's own acronym. Rolls off the tongue a bit, huh?) via a comment, a MySpace message (oh, the irony!) or email: slone.michaelk[-at-]gmail[-dot-]com


Oh, goddamn. I've strayed off-path, yet again. You can expect that from time-to-time, as it says in the "blog introduction" that I'm absolutely not a..... Fuck. Okay! Okay! Here are the fucking comics. Here is a good hint: click the thumbnails to view the "comics."

and..... LULZ shall begin.



and..... LULZ shall nevar end.

wat peanut butter

just made this for all you lolfanz out there.
thanks to "booski" for the funny dialog.
also, i've created a YTMND for this. http://watpeanutbutter.ytmnd.com
... and if you don't know what YTMND is... then just gtfo teh interwebz.

Double-Clique, Please

You wanna know what really gets under my skin? ... Please, read on.

When I was a Freshman in highschool, I strayed away from the whole typical teenager/high-schooler thing because it was nothing but a goddamn social-popularity contest. I don't like the idea of my friends-to-be being prechosen for me before I walked through the door on the first day of highschool. And all because I defaulted in a certain clique, or, didn't "fit in" one of the "cool" ones. So what did I do? I kept to myself mostly and started going to local hardcore/metal shows. AHH! Now that was a place I got used to. Quick. Everyone was so outgoing and nice... even if you were a complete stranger, people would still be extremely nice. I fell-in love with it immediately. I went to school every single weekday, only to put-up with ignorant, pretentious fucks, just counting the minutes until the show that weekend. And yes, there WERE local/semi-local shows every weekend. As opposed to now, when you're lucky if there is one a month. Anywho, what I'm saying is; This whole "you're cool, but you're not" clique-thing is just pretentious, yuppie shit. If associating myself with a certain group of people, or clique, defines who I am as a human-being... then I guess I'm nothing.... And so, I went a place where there were no cliques.

(I have a point. I promise.)

AND WOULDN'T YOU FUCKING KNOW IT... This so-called "place" I went to, MY sanctuary, MY church, was turned into the same fucking thing I was trying to distance myself from all along. Everything was all good for years. I moved to Lexington, and I notice all these self-righteous, trendy, arrogant fuckheads were adopting the same kind of "social-ranking system." "I don't wanna chill with them. Those guys suck! They listen to HAG HAG HAG. But, those guys over there are awesome! They play in that FAG FAG FAG band. Let's invite 'em over!"

PEOPLE! Get the fuck over-yourself! People like that are what ruined the sanctity of the whole "scene." Not just hardcore, not just metalcore, not just punk! The whole fucking thing. And I put "scene" in quotes because, it's not a SCENE anymore. It's a fucking popularity-contest... and it really fucking pisses me off.

Fuck you if you think you're cool. Take a good, long, hard look in the mirror. You might see what I've seen all along.

And I'll end this rant with the lyrics from H2O's "What Happened?", from their new album "Nothing to Prove" released this year on Bridge-Nine Records.

When it began, for those who don't know
it didn't matter how you looked or what you wore to a show
dress codes, FUCK NO! we didn't care
about the brand of your jeans and all that shit in your hair

But now the biggest part is all about the image and not the art
Fashion before passion!
And at nights, it makes me mad that I should have to ask:
What happened to the passion? (passion!)
What the reason for screaming?
What happened the music and the message that I love?
What happened to the hard work? (hard work!)
And why does everybody look the same?
What happened the music and the message that I love?

And I know, that people change
and we go through different stages in life
and I'm not here to criticize
but the reason I scream, is a feeling inside

But now the biggest part is all about the image and not the art
Fashion before passion!
And at nights, it makes me mad that I should have to ask:
What happened to the passion? (passion!)
What the reason for screaming?
What happened the music and the message that I love?
What happened to the hard work? (hard work!)
And why does everybody look the same?
What happened the music and the message that I love?

Lost (1,2,3,4) lifetime ago it seems
you gave up on your wildest dreams
but i refuse to let mine go
I took an oath, you can find me here
with an open heart and ears
refusing to surrender
I can't believe they don't remember
what it feels like to be young

What happened to the passion? (passion!)
What the reason for screaming?
What happened the music and the message that I love?
What happened to the hard work? (hard work!)
And why does everybody look the same?
What happened the music and the message that I love?